Reclamation

reclamation rec·la·ma·tion \ˌre-klə-ˈmā-shən\
n. the act or process of reclaiming as
a: reformation, rehabilitation;
b: restoration to use: recovery

A collection of original haiku reflecting on how I am feeling about today.

This day reminds me
of my mistakes, my regrets,
my unhealthy past

Observed only twice,
today makes me remember
each of our blunders

I still do not like
speaking in the present tense
about this — us — you

I hate admitting
that my heart still breaks each time
I think about this

My heart doesn’t break
because of you, though; it breaks
for all my mistakes

(Do not mistake this
as an ode to you or “us”;
it is for my past)

I am ashamed of
who I was, who I became
whenever we kissed

I regret giving
you my permission to touch
my heart, my body

I’m still embarrassed
that I ever thought we would
be anything more

I still get nauseous
when I think about the way
I hurt both of us

We deserved better
than what we gave each other
and I’m still sorry

I wish I didn’t
have such a good memory
so I could forget

It has been three years
since this narrative began,
since the first regret

I am regretful,
for, despite my intentions,
I still hurt you. But,

I am empowered,
for, despite all my mistakes,
I deserved better

We deserved better
than what we gave each other
I need to forget

Forgive and forget:
forgive myself, my mistakes;
forget about this

I am much better,
more self-aware, less harmful,
than what I once was

I am happier,
healthier, more mature; I
learned from my mistakes

I’m still not rushing
to give my heart away to
the next handsome guy

I’m not in a rush —
not because of you — because
I’ve raised my standards

My standards are high
for myself, for my future,
for someone for me

Forgive and forget:
forgive myself, my mistakes;
forget who I was

This day reminds me
of my mistakes, my regrets,
my brighter future

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